As a pregnant woman for the past seven months, it has been very interesting for me to observe and struggle with the contradictory messages about eating and enjoyment of food that are directed at expectant mothers.
On one hand, there is the constant policing of what goes into my mouth. The bible of pregnancy, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, commands me to follow the “pregnancy diet,” an absurdly complex set of guidelines for getting all the right nutrition. It would have taken so much time to plan meals that included all the right things, without turning into enormous 14-course, 5,000 calorie extravaganzas, that I couldn’t even follow it for a day. And of course, there are all the things that people say I shouldn’t be consuming. I am getting pretty tired of people offering me a cup of coffee or a glass of wine – and then rescinding the offer the second they remember I am pregnant. Here’s a tip for all you non-preggers folks out there: pregnant women know the rules and when it is appropriate to break them. We don’t need you acting as the fetus police.
On the other hand, there is the expectation that I should listen to my body and allow myself the freedom to eat whatever I crave. By far, the most common question I receive about any particular experience of pregnancy is “have you been having any strange cravings?” I know I expected to want pickles and ice cream. Where on earth does this idea come from? Why pickles and ice cream? I really have not had any uncontrollable impulses to eat foods that I don’t normally want to eat. However, I feel as though the world is finally giving me permission to eat that donut, buy that bag of doritos, have another piece of chocolate.
The most interesting example of this contradiction came during a recent test for gestational diabetes. I had to have some bloodwork done to make sure I was producing enough insulin – some screening tests showed signs that things might be out of whack. Gestational diabetes can usually be controlled through dietary changes, but it can cause complications with the birth and increases the likelihood of diabetes and obesity for the child. I was visibly upset about this, and said to the lab technician that I really hoped the tests came back normal. She said, “I know, it would be so disappointing. Pregnancy is supposed to be the one time you can eat whatever you want.” I didn’t say anything, but I was thinking “yeah, lady, I’m crying about not getting to eat cake for the next two months, not because I am scared for my baby.” Fortunately, everything came back fine. But I keep thinking about that lab technician’s comment, and how it said so much about the complex and contradictory meanings of eating during pregnancy. If I’m eating for two, whose needs come first? Mine (sweets, comfort food, coffee) or the baby’s (iron, omega-3s, calcium, protein)? Should I be following the rules or trusting my gut?
There is the additional, complimentary issue of weight gain, that I haven’t yet mentioned, but I’ll save it for a future post. I’d be really interested to hear other women’s experiences of mixed messages about eating – both in pregnancy and throughout life.
I think the mixed messages go way beyond eating, and in fact I didn’t really notice it there during pregancy (I have a 4 month old). I noticed it at work with the implied disapproval that I was working so long (shouldn’t you be at home resting), and then in the next sentence asking me to do something else or attend a meeting beyond my due date, and then saying “we’ll play it by ear” if I expressed concern. The mixed messages continue after the baby is born with people exhorting you to rest while not allowing you to (people wanting to visit to see the baby, etc.)
Where I really noticed the eating police was with respect to breastfeeding. People (i.e., my mother in law) wonder aloud how whatever you’re eating may affect the baby. I dissolved into tears when my baby seemed fussy and I read about foods that could cause problems–you know, like dairy, soy, wheat, various fruits, vegetables and meats–really, pretty much everything (I think avocados may be safe…) The thought of trying to eliminate stuff and see if it helped was overwhelming…so I didn’t and everything seems fine.
Good luck with your pregnancy and beyond. I’d be interested to hear a sociological take on postpartum depression–my theory is that it’s really the frustration generated by all those mixed messages, and the unrealistic assumptions that women have of themselves–not hormones.
Big fat WORD on the condescension of the “fetus police.”
A book I love is _The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How it Undermines Women_ by Susan Douglas and Meredith Michaels. They’re ruthless on all the mixed messages women get — especially the stringent rules for avoiding supposedly dire consequences for your child, combined with exhortations to “relax”, because stress will ruin your baby’s life too! If you haven’t seen this book, I recommend it.